Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
