Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
