Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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