There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
