I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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