So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
