I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize