How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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