I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
