So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
