Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
