Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
