Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
