Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
