I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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