I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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