I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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