This house was built for laser tag.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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