Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize