He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
