I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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