Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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