There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
