I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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