Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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