What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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