is your mom at the bar?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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