This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
