I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
