my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
