Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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