every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Someone came in the potted fern
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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