he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
