I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
