I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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