he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
