You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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