"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
