I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
