I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
