i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
