Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
