I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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