you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
