Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i've created a new STD.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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