Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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