i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
