It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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