There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
