That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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