So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize