i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
