How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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