so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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