South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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