I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
