Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
