i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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