Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
