There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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