The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
