I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
