I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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