I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We're too hungover to prance.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
